"Interim"

Being the “interim” of anything is kind of a weird thing. You have all the duties of “the thing,” and all the responsibilities…just none of the commitment or official support from the organization you’re the “interim” for. The title of interim alone implies that you are temporary…and dare I say…replaceable. Having that title over my head after witnessing Clay getting fired…I mean…resigning…was not the best feeling in the world. I was told the day I became the interim youth director that a search would start for a new youth director…and once they were brought on I would have the option to stay as the assistant. I’m not sure I ever felt on board with that plan. That being said...that plan seemed to change quickly.

A few things happened logistically once I had my new title. I went from working a 30 hour work week to a 40 hour work week. My pay rate did not change…I was paid by the hour so it was still technically a raise…but I was definitely on the low end of staff pay at that church. At that point I was just thankful I still had a job. One of the things I asked for was to meet with the church administrator and director of programming weekly…to go over all the things I was currently working on and my upcoming plans for the youth ministry. I wanted their help, however I also wanted there to be clear communication for how they thought I was doing…and what was expected of me. This was something I had seen to be lacking at the church…and Clay had certainly paid the price for it.

It was a conflicting time. I knew Clay had been mistreated and these two superiors I was meeting with regularly had played a role in that. That being said they both were very helpful to me during that time…and very encouraging as well. During the first month or so of my interim position I had impressed them. The search for a new youth director never got under way. At one point during this first month I was told I would have a chance to be earn the Director position. My superiors (not the senior pastor) would continue to meet with me regularly and we would come up with some goals for me to reach in a 6 month period. If I met those goals…I would be offered the official position of youth director…if I did not they would begin a search and keep me as the assistant youth director.

The next 6 months were so many things at once. It was hard. It was stressful. It was more than I had planned to take on and earlier than I planned to have it. It was also full of beautiful moments of ministry that I still treasure to this day.

During my first week I was trying to prepare the presentation for my first message to the youth group as their “interim” director. Clay had shown me how to work the presentation program many times…but I learned through this experience that I was a tactile learner. I hadn’t ever actually done it myself so I was lost on how to make it happen. I sat there behind the computer thinking…the one person who I would call to help me with this is not here…and he’s not coming back. I started crying alone in that youth room behind that computer. After only a couple minutes one of our youth walked in. I tried to hide my tears quickly…I could tell she had seen me though. She just gave me an empathetic smile, mentioned nothing of the tears or why they were happening…she just sat across from me and asked me, “How are you doing? Can I help?” It amazes me to this day how emotionally intelligent students can be…often more so than most adults.

Instead of doing a big fall retreat that had originally been on the calendar…I decided to do an “in house” lock-in style retreat. To be clear…I hated and still hate lock-ins…but I firmly believed this would be easier to manage and could still be very impactful if we did it right. I reached out to a lot of colleagues and friends I had around the state for help. Most didn’t even respond. But two great friends did. One led musical worship, and the other agreed to be our speaker for the weekend. They both did a phenomenal job. So many kids who were skeptical about the vision of that retreat would tell me at the end of it that it was one of their favorite things they did in youth group.

I decided to change our annual trip to “Rock the Universe” (Universal Studio’s annual Christian music festival) from a 2 night trip to a 1 night trip. I still extended the average park time we had on that trip, developed a solid system for chaperones and their kids, got a great hotel, and the trip went mostly without a hitch. That being said the senior pastor was second guessing me throughout the planning stages. He would constantly ask me questions that I had answered many times in meetings…with him in attendance. These questions would often be belittling or infer that I had forgotten things I had not…and would often be copied to all the staff at the church.

By that point in time the 6 month interim period had passed. I had met all the goals that had been set before me. I had not yet been offered the job. When I would ask about my future status…I would not be given any clear answer…just a pushed time table. I came to believe that the church was expecting me to fail and to have a paper trail to prove it. When that didn’t happen they didn’t know what to do. They definitely didn’t want to hire me, but they didn’t have anything to show that I hadn’t done what they asked of me either.

I heard through an adult volunteer & former staff member that the senior pastor had been talking about me behind my back. Insinuating that I would be a better fit at a church in a nearby town…a town that had the reputation of being lower in class and intellect. That was my last straw. Not long after that moment I saw a friend post a listing for a youth director position at a church in the city I had went to college. I loved that town and I was desperate to get out of where I was. I wanted that job so badly…so badly that I looked over things I now wish I hadn’t. I applied, I interviewed, and unfortunately that church was just as desperate as I was to hire someone. Maybe if they hadn’t been they wouldn’t have looked over things they shouldn’t have too. They offered me the job and I accepted. I came back from the Rock the Universe trip and turned in my two weeks’ notice. I was nervous about the reaction of my superiors & the senior pastor. I expected surprise or even anger. The emotions I experienced from them were not that but also not all that surprising…they were relieved.