My Last Day

It was a relatively normal Sunday. I went to the church, arrived early before the main contemporary service and waited for families to arrive. I did my best to go around the sanctuary and greet every youth family…check in, have brief small talk, see if any youth would be interested in going to a coffee house after church.

This was something that was challenging for me. I was and am an introverted person who gets anxious in crowds of people. I constantly fought the fear of being judged inside the church walls. Sunday mornings always felt very “adult” for me…the guy in his young 30s who grew up thousands of miles away, who was tasked with leading the high school youth. I would often say I’d pick a room of a thousand teenagers over a room with half a dozen adults every day of the week. Sunday mornings did nothing but confirm that for me. With teenagers, they just wanted an ear that would listen to them…a place they could experience community, not be judged for who they were, and maybe even experience the love of God. It was my pleasure, my honor, and my duty to strive to provide just that. With adults….I always felt like I was having to put on a show. To prove that I was responsible…that I was worthy of not just working at the church but of being in their presence.

The service came to an end. It was a small week so I took the two youth that agreed to come with me to a local coffee house…something we did the first Sunday of every month and every week during the summer. These were two youth who I loved. They were dedicated to the youth program, they were dedicated to their faith, and beyond that they were dedicated to being kind hearted people. A trait that I saw so much in the youth I worked with. We had good conversation over topics I don’t even remember. What was important was we were together. With just two youth and their youth director we had community between the 3 of us. Something that had been built over a period of 2 years with myself, them, and a larger youth ministry community. It was a process I invested a lot of time, heart, and emotion in. It was a process that was not finished. It was a process I was proud of and still am to this day.

We came back to the church. Both of the youth were leaders of the youth praise band that practiced on Sunday nights. I said goodbye and told them I’d see them that evening. I wouldn’t. I walked back to my office to decompress before I left to head home. I didn’t know that would be the last time I’d do that. A few minutes after I sat down at my desk the senior pastor walked in. As families of the church, fellow staff members, and associate pastors walked by my office…he fired me. It was a short conversation. He had somewhere else he needed to be. I left the church in a daze. I got into my wife’s car as other church members around me got into theirs…oblivious to me and what had just happened. I drove away. That was the last Sunday I attended a church. That was the last day of my career as a youth director.