"We Need You"

That first summer as a camp counselor was fantastic…it was everything I dreamed it would be and more. As great as it was…the reality check of going back to life in the real world hit HARD. I and many fellow counselors often compared a summer working at camp to living in Narnia. You got to experience this wonderful, transcendent thing…live in community with people you grew to love like family, doing something you were genuinely proud of and felt called to…and no one really understood it outside the people you worked with. That being said the problems you had before you came to camp were there waiting for you when you got back. As many times as I told my campers that…I had real trouble coming to grips with it myself.

I did ok at first…quite a few coworkers from camp went to the same college I did and were a part of the same church I went to and that certainly helped. I still had these inner demons I couldn’t shake. I still struggled to find myself. I spent most of the year in a dark depression. I started going to therapy which was helping but I was still scared. I was scared of…everything. I was fighting this constant feeling that I wasn’t enough. I wasn’t worthy. I didn’t feel worthy of love, friendship, affection…and I certainly didn’t feel worthy to be a camp counselor again.

I still applied to come back. I just wasn’t sure I could do it. I had felt so much pain that felt silly yet so real…I wasn’t sure if coming back to camp was for the best.

If you were a potential returning team member…the camp staff came to various locations to conduct the interviews instead of you having to come to them. My interview was at my church with the camp director, assistant camp director, and a member of the board of directors for camp. They were all people I knew and immensely respected. I had known the directors most of my life. I was as transparent with them as I could be. I told them how hard the year had been for me…that I wanted to come back but I felt very unsure. Then something I will never forget happened.

The camp director looked me in the eye and said, “Matt we need you. Camp needs you. You’re a good counselor. You do what you’re supposed to do. We need people like you who will be a positive influence to the new staff. We need you back.”

That was all I needed to hear. I loved that man and still do. Hearing he felt that way about me meant more than I will ever be able to express. It saved my life. I truly believe that.

I believe it because the secret is…camp didn’t need me. It didn’t need me in the sense that camp would have happened without me there. Campers still would have come, had great counselors in their cabins and in their small groups, and it would have been a great summer. What I think my camp director knew was…I NEEDED camp. I needed my community back. I needed to be reminded of the worth I had. I needed to know that I brought something to the table, that I was loved and…needed.

People need to know that they are needed. It’s so essential in ministry, in life, to know that you have worth. I am so thankful the people I worked for knew that and cared to show me. People need that. Churches need that. It’s sad that it still feels so rare in this world. It is so beautiful when that kind of love and compassion is shown.

Showing people they were worthy, needed, and loved by their creator became central to the work I would do after that. I didn’t always meet that standard but I strived to. I learned that from my leaders at camp. That’s what discipleship looks like.